Pain Redeems Me
by nesapotamia
Summary: Dean knew he was worthless, and Alistair gave him what he deserved, When Castiel finds out he does not agree. A/U not a hunter I do not own any of these characters. I am just playing with them for a bit.
1. Chapter 1

OK this is my first fanfic. Not sure why my first try had to be dark but this is the story that flowed out. So, here we go. Reviews are appreciated. :)

Dean closed the door to his shop, making sure the door was locked before walking to his Baby. Another day, another round of (hopefully) satisfied customers. All in all it had been a good day with no major customer issues as Winchester Auto Repair, a fact for which Dean was thankful. He tried his best to keep his customers happy; charging reasonable rates and never suggesting repairs that were unnecessary, but even then that was sometimes not enough. Still, today had been good, so he could not complain.

Driving home he passed the Roadhouse and contemplated stopping in for an after work drink but, being Friday, it would be packed and Dean's limit for social interaction was at its limit. It wasn't that he disliked people per se, but he apparently had a knack for saying or doing the wrong thing. Besides, he needed to save his strength for tomorrow. Alistair did not like him to be unprepared. He was the one cutting out the parts of Dean that were wrong, and there was much about Dean that was wrong.

_Lisa certainly thought so…_he thought ruefully. Jo had tried to assure him that Lisa had been a nasty twat, but Dean new better. No matter how hard he tried he could not really please anyone.

He'd watched over Sam as best he could growing up, but it was never enough. Any problem in Sam's life, no matter how small, no matter even if John himself was the cause, was blamed on Dean's inability to be a good brother. Sam himself had always pushed dean to do better in school, to take better care of himself, to be more thoughtful, and Dean had tried, he really had. Dean thought that maintaining B's and C's while taking care of Sam and working the odd job here and there was pretty good. Sam hadn't said anything negative but Dean could see he was disappointed and that his "Yeah, sure Dean that's great" was forced. After high school Dean was admitted into the local Auto Diesel College and was pretty happy about it. He loved cars, and wanted to learn everything he could about them. Some of his best memories were of spending summers at his uncle Bobby's house and helping him work on the cars in his shop. When he showed the letter to Sam and his dad thinking they'd be proud that he was continuing his education, his father had sneered at the idea of dean being a mechanic when his brother was certain to have a "real" career and Sam had said "It's alright Dean. I know you tried your best". It was like being punched in the gut, but Dean did what he had always done, shoved the disappointment down and walked away.

No matter what he did, how hard he worked, it was never enough. That point had finally been driven home by Lisa. She thought he was too messy so he tried to be neater. She didn't like his diet, his clothes, and the way his apartment was decorated; there were times when Dean thought she just didn't like _him_. She's stayed with him though Dean could never really figure out why, but he was not about to leave her. She was the one thing about his life that his father and Sam approved of. They seemed to think she could make his life better, so Dean kept his head down and tried to make it work.

All of that had come to an end one night at dinner. He'd gotten a loan to open his own shop and to celebrate Dean had taken her to the nicest restaurant he could afford, gotten her flowers, and was going to propose. Instead he's gotten a lecture about how she needed more than just a small town mechanic and that she had hoped he would eventually go back to school for something like Pre-Law just like Sam. All of her friend's boyfriends were going somewhere big. Bankers, doctors, lawyers, business managers; they were going somewhere, would have lucrative careers and be able to provide a certain "lifestyle" that Dean's meager earnings as a mechanic would not. That wasn't all though; she'd met someone else, someone better. Dean hadn't heard anything after that because of the rushing in his ears, he barely remembered leaving the restaurant and going home.

He didn't bother telling his father or Sam right away, he knew what their reactions would be. He rarely spoke to them much anymore, save for the family dinners his father insisted they have once a month. The one after his breakup was predictable, and Dean did not like to think about the looks he'd gotten from Sam and the lecture he'd gotten from his father about remembering his duties as a partner. They thought it was Dean's fault, Dean thought it probably was too. So he'd learned his lesson, there was something wrong with him. Something that kept him from doing anything was never going to make anyone really happy so he gave up thinking that one day he might.

He still worked as hard as he could at his shop, and tried to please his customers but he knew that eventually it would fail. Dean was _bad_, rotten somewhere inside and he deserved to hurt because if it. Eventually everyone would see that and that was why he needed Alistair.

He'd met the other man one night in a bar on the other side of town from where he lived. He'd needed to get away from everything and wanted to make sure no one he knew would see him. Alistair had slipped on to the stool next to him at the bar, said he's been watching Dean since he'd walked in and that he knew what Dean needed. Said he could see the desperation and loneliness from a mile away and that he knew the way to make it better. When Dean asked him how he could do that Alistair had leaned in and whispered in his ear that he could see into Dean, all his weakness, his pathetic need, everything that was _wrong _inside. Dean was inherently bad, flawed, _broken,_ and needed to be punished because of it.

It had started out relatively easy, and at first Dean had gotten off on it. Alistair would give Dean commands: kneel, crawl, suck, beg, and Dean would try his hardest to do as Alistair wished. Dean was expected to take whatever Alistair wanted to give ("You like this toy baby? I found it just for you. I know it looks big but don't worry, I'll get it to fit") and if he couldn't ("Safe wording? Honestly Dean you don't need that much preparation. Can't take it like a man? Can't say I'm surprised, you're not even taking it like the _bitch_ you are") then he was tied down and whipped. After a few sessions Dean was expected to list his faults after each strike.

(Needy. Pathetic. Useless. Stupid. Ugly. Disgusting. Worthless. Worthless. Worthless. _Worthless_.)

After each session Alistair would lean in close to Dean's ear and whisper "That's alright though baby. I'll carve you into a new animal."

Eventually Alistair moved to ignoring Dean's safeword, gagging him when he cried out too much and beating him harder when he didn't cry out enough. He used whatever toy he wanted, sometimes with no prep at all and the longer it went on the more Dean thought he deserved it. He could see the proof every day that this was working.

Sam and his father seemed to be nicer to him, his business was starting to do really well, hell even his car was working better. Sometimes a small voice in the back of his mind would say that everything else seemed so much better because his time with Alistair was so bad, but he ignored it. He deserved what he got during that time, and he was certain that all the good in his life was a sign of some kind of universal approval of Dean finally getting the pain he deserved.


	2. Chapter 2

His life went on that way for months. He kept working hard, but he found himself getting tired easily. He was having trouble eating, and his sleep was off. It was his weakness he knew, so he just pushed through it, and met Alistair that Friday as usual at Trickster, a local club that catered to "special" desires and rented rooms out to people looking to indulge.

The session was a little rougher than last time, but that was hardly strange, they always were.  
This time there were barbs on the flail Alistair used Dean could feel small rivulets of blood running down his back when he was finally allowed to stand. They added to the blood seeping out of his hole and Dean felt woozy as he dressed as quickly as he could. Alistair did not like him to linger after a session. He'd gotten as far as pushing his feet into his boots when he was shoved out the door and into the club proper.

He took a moment to lean on the wall, trying to get his head to stop spinning. After a time he began to follow the wall around to the exit, keeping his head down, hoping no one would notice the pathetic man who was obviously such a bad sub that he had been severely punished.

Castiel walked out of the restroom of Trickster trying to decide if staying was worth his while. He rarely came here on Saturdays, and so far he hadn't found anything, or rather _anyone_ who piqued his interest. A man lurched by, hand on the wall obviously trying to hold himself up and looking like he'd just left a really intense scene.

"Hey," he called keeping his voice gentle, not knowing what mental state the man was in. "Are you alright?"

The man looked up blearily, his face lined with pain and obviously a little out of it. "Huh? Oh, m'fine. Jus' gotta get home" he slurred. He swayed a bit before continuing along the wall.

Castiel watched the man for a moment before moving to his side and placing a hand on his shoulder.

"I think you need to sit down for a moment." Castiel put his arm around the other man's waist intending to lead him over to the stools around the bar but stopped when he cried out in obvious pain. Castiel pulled his arm away and was shocked to see red staining his own sleeve.

"Holy shit, you're bleeding? What the hell…" he paused and called over to the man behind the bar.

"Gabe! My usual room, block it for the night, and bring a first aid kit."

Trying his best not to place his hands on the injured man's back he led him slowly to the room he reserved for his use. Once inside he carefully maneuvered the man toward the bed and began to carefully pull his shirt up and off, glancing at his face to judge the pain level. The green eyes were glassy and unfocused and under Castiel's concern anger was growing for whoever had left this man like this. He'd known people who enjoyed blood play on occasion but they never left someone in this condition. This was beyond disgusting and went contrary to what the whole scene was about. True there could be pain, but there was never supposed to be harm.

"Tell me your name." he said quietly.

"Dean" was the mumbled reply.

"Well, Dean my name is Castiel and I am going to help you alright? Can you lay down on the bed face first? I am not going to hurt you I promise."

Dean nodded, mumbled "Yes Sir" and lay down on the bed making no indication of the pain Castiel was sure he had to be in. Once Dean's back was fully exposed Castiel's breath caught at the damage there. Just then the door opened and Gabriel stepped in quickly shutting the door and moved to Castiel's side.

"I got the first aid kit and your room is off the list for the night but….what the hell is that?!" Gabriel stood there in shock staring at Dean's back. Castiel took the first aid kit and moved to the side of the bed.

"Shit Cas did that happen here? In my club? Someone did that here?"

Removing the antiseptic and bandages and gauze from the kit Castiel faced his brother for a moment.

"Gabe, calm down. We'll figure out who did this after I get Dean cleaned up."

"Alistair"

Both men turned to the quiet voice that had spoken from the bed.

"Alistair did this. He's helpin' me too. Cuttin' out all the bad stuff…"

Gabriel nodded to Castiel, turned suddenly and walked out of the room, and Castiel knew that whoever Alistair was he'd never set foot in this club again. Turning his attention back to Dean, Castiel began to assess the damage. His back was a mess of lashes all oozing blood, and when Castiel looked closer he could see some of the cuts disappearing into Dean's pants.

"Dean," he said softly, "I Have to pull your pants down too, so I can clean you up. Is that alright?"

Dean nodded and gave a muffled assent. The waist was looked loose enough to slide over Deans hips, but he didn't want to cause further harm to his skin, so Castiel reached under Dean to unfasten his pants and lower the zip. Once done he carefully eased the pants over Dean's hips and backside and pulled them off his legs. There were lash marks over his butt and blood on his thighs. Castiel wanted to hope that the blood there was from the cuts on Dean's back but he had a sinking feeling in his gut.

"Dean, I am going to touch you now. I'll be careful and if you want me to stop or if anything hurts too much I want you to let me know alright?"

"'kay" was his only response.

Looking again Castiel realized he needed more than just gauze to clean off the mess that was Dean's back so he moved quickly to the small en suite bathroom to wet a washcloth in cool water before going back to Dean's side. Being as careful as possible, he began to clean the blood away, getting a better look at the cuts themselves. Only a few of the lashes were bleeding, but the shirt smeared the blood around making it look much worse than it really was, a fact for which Castiel was grateful. Through it all Dean did not make a sound, or even indicate he knew what was happening. Castiel began applying bandages where needed and once done looked back to the blood on Dean's thighs.

"Dean, did Alistair penetrate you?"

"Likes to use toys so I can learn to take it…" Dean mumbled.

Castiel closed his eyes for a second and took a breath. "I need to examine you Dean, I have to see if he did any damage. Is that alright? I won't hurt you and just like last time if you tell me to stop I will."

"s'ok if you hurt me Cas. S'what I'm for.

"No Dean," Castiel replied in a firm tone "It isn't"

For the first time Dean responded with more than mumbles. "No see it is, cause I'm bad and you gotta cut the bad out. Make me a new animal. Makes it all better."

Castiel felt nauseous and pissed. Who the hell had done this? He had no words for how wrong this was.

"No matter what Alistair told you Dean, no one deserves abuse."

"But I'm bad…it's why I started doing this. It's what you do when a sub is bad."

"No dammit it isn't. This isn't even close to how you treat a sub, no matter how they have behaved. You just…you can't…" Castiel stopped, realizing he was getting worked up. _Stop thinking like a pissed Dom and start thinking like a Doctor, _he chided himself. Making his voice softer again he said

"I am going to examine you now Dean, is that alright" When dean nodded he reached over and gently pulled the cheeks apart. There was more blood and the skin he could see was inflamed. "Dean did he prepare you at all before?"

"No."

Castiel was going to find this Alistair and beat him senseless. No, first he was going to finish cleaning Dean up, then he was going to help him pull himself out of this destructive mindset then Castiel was going to let Dean beat the hell out of Alistair. First things first though. He cleaned the blood away and assed the damage as best he could. There was no more blood leaking out thankfully but there was no way for him to tell if there was internal damage. That would have to wait for a full exam, preferably at Castiel's office.

"Alright Dean, all done. I am going to pull the covers back and I want you to stay on your stomach when I cover you, ok?" Dean nodded and shifted himself under the blankets with a sigh. Castiel crawled into the bed next to him and began stroking his hair. He could not praise Dean for this acceptance of Alistair's treatment but he could praise his bravery while getting his back treated.

"You did such a good job Dean. You were so patient and brave for me while I cleaned you up." Dean stared at Castiel while he spoke. "I made you happy?" he asked quietly. Something lurched in Castiel's chest. "Yes Dean, you made me happy." Dean smiled and scooted closer to Castiel, tucking his head under the other man's chin. "Good"


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry this one is so short guys. The next one should be longer. I also want to say hi to the nine awesome people who are now following this story; you have made me ridiculously happy. :)

Once Dean fell into sleep Castiel quietly and carefully moved off the bed and left the room. He found Gabriel in the office going over paperwork.

"How's your boy?" Gabe asked in greeting.

Castiel sighed and sat down. "Hurt, tired, and possibly psychologically damaged. Though whether that was created by that guy Alistair or exacerbated by him I cannot say. "

"Speaking of Alistair, turns out he has a nasty reputation. I talked to one of the Dommes that likes to come in here, Ruby, and she said he likes to find people new to the scene and use their ignorance of it to convince them that abuse is part of it. She said that anyone who goes near the guy is warned off but sometimes someone will fall through the cracks. Looks like Dean was one of those." Gabriel ran a hand over his face. "Fuck I cannot believe I let that happen here. This is supposed to be a safe place, and he's been bringing Dean here for _months_."

Castiel shook his head. "You can't watch everyone all the time Gabe, and if this guy is known about then why did no one here tell you he was coming in? Ruby said he was known, so how did he get past everyone?"

"He's been having Dean book the room over the phone and sending him over to check in. That's what we are seeing on the security footage anyway. Then he just slimes his way around the edge of the club to the room. We have the credit card he has been using and everyone knows not to accept it anymore. We also have people on the lookout for him, now that we know what to look for. I am also going to personally make sure he knows he's not welcome here anymore. "Gabriel leaned back in his chair. "So, what are you going to do about Dean?"

Castiel leaned forward and placed his elbows on his knees. "I honestly don't know. I want to help him, but he might not let me. From what little I have heard him say he has a need to please that maybe I could use but, how would that make me any different from Alistair? It would be a hell of a balancing act; making Dean follow my orders while simultaneously trying to show him how to protect himself from people who want to do just that so they can harm him."

Gabe tilted his head in thought. "Maybe you show him how this stuff is supposed to work. That it isn't about abuse or just letting someone hurt you. But Cas, there is an underlying problem here that you cannot fix alone. He let that man hurt him like that because he thinks he deserves it. You heard him. 'Alistair is cutting out the bad stuff'. That requires a professional. Maybe that is one of the things you can do. Influence him to go see a counselor about this." Gabe leaned forward and regarded his brother carefully.

"But here's the thing you have to remember Cas. You may not be able to do anything. You could offer all the help in the world, show him what a healthy Dom/sub relationship is like, even get him into therapy, and he could still choose to go back to the bastard that hurt him. You can't save people Cas."

Castiel sighed heavily and nodded, rubbing his hands over his face before looking over at Gabriel again.

"I know that Gabe. But we both know that we, or at least I, cannot just turn him away after what he's been through. I have to at least _try. _I've got to give him a chance; otherwise he _will_ just go back to Alistair. That would probably get him killed."

"I know you do Cassie. Just like you know I am going to worry about you."

"I know you will" Castiel said as he got up and walked to the door. He turned to his brother and smiled. "Thanks Gabe."

Going to the bar he grabbed a bottle of orange juice, knowing Dean would need it when he woke up. Then he quietly slipped back into the room with Dean, and lay back down to wait for him to wake up.


	4. Chapter 4

Oh my! I got a review on tumblr! And i have 14 followers now. Thanks guys!

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

Dean woke up with a headache and a screaming pain in his back. He was in a bed, not his own, face down and he was naked. Had he fallen asleep in the room he's reserved for the evening with Alistair? Oh shit, was Alistair still here? He took a breath and tried to remember what had happened before he fell asleep. He'd finished with Alistair hadn't he? He remembered being thrown out of the room, as usual, and trying to make it to the front door of the club. It was all a jumble at that point. Had there been someone there? Wait…he'd been led into a room and…stripped? Yes, he was definitely naked…and bandaged. Yeah that was the feeling of bandages on his back. So, someone had dressed the cuts the barbed flail had left on his skin, and what…left him here to sleep? Ok, so where were they now, what time was it, and yeah…where were his clothes. Being very careful he rolled slowly on to his side and looked around.

Sitting at the end of the bed, with his back resting against the solid wooden post was a man with dark brown hair and startlingly blue eyes. Something about him was familiar and after a moment his brain supplied the name Cas-something.

"Um…hello." _Yes very eloquent Dean_, he thought.

"Hello Dean" was the quiet reply. He held himself like a Dom, shoulders back head up and looking like he was very in control of the situation. It was like Alistair but without the cruel smirk he sported all the time.

"Um..I uh…I'm naked."

"Yes, it was necessary to clean the blood from your back and legs and to dress the wounds there. You were not touched in any other way, you have my word." His voice had a deep rich timbre, and Dean found something soothing in it.

"Was it bad?" If the pain was any indication then yes it was but Dean needed to know for sure. He could not really remember just how far Alistair had gone, though judging from the pain in his ass; it had been pretty damn far.

"Yes Dean it is bad. Your back had been lashed open and there is evidence of penetration without preparation." Castiel's voice was calm but Dean could detect a trace of anger there. Dean dropped his head in shame. "I was…I _am_ a bad sub, I know that. I guess I just have to try harder. And I will…I can be…"

He was cut off abruptly when he felt a hand under his chin, gently tilting his head back up. Castiel had moved to the side of the bed and was looking down at Dean, his eyes serious and troubled.

"Dean there is nothing you could have done to deserve what that man did to you. Nothing at all. That is not how this life works. There can be punishment but what was done to you is abuse. No real Dom would do this to you. Understand?"

Dean looked shocked. "But he said it was what I needed. That it was what I was supposed to do…take whatever he gave me. Isn't that what a sub is for?"

"Of course not!" Castiel snapped, his tone making Dean duck his head again. He took a breath before continuing to speak; making sure his voice was gentler this time. "Dean this is supposed to be about mutual pleasure between two people. One gains pleasure through giving control to someone they can trust and the other gains pleasure through the control they are given. True sometimes it can seem harsh but both parties are willing participants and enjoy what is going on. This isn't about one person getting to cause another person harm. Doms like that have no place here and I have to tell you that Alistair is no longer welcome in this establishment, you on the other hand are. Would you like that Dean, to continue to come here and see what this life is really about?"

So what, Dean just shows up here sometimes and hopes someone randomly takes an interest in him? What happens when it gets out that he is a bad sub? Would anyone want him then; would it be him going home alone and unwanted every night he tried? No, he couldn't do that, couldn't handle being passed over again and again…

"Dean"

…it would be too much; he'd never be able to deal with it. At least he knew Alistair wanted him…

"Dean" the voice was firmer now but he was still locked in his own head.

Sure it hurt like hell, but it was better than nothing right? Besides what could a guy like him really expect to get, someone like this Castiel guy? Maybe he could get Alistair to tone it down a bit. Sure he still needed to hurt Dean but maybe…

"Dean! Look at me." The tone was sharp and commanding and Dean's eyes snapped up to look at Castiel before he even thought about it. Having been pulled out of his thoughts, Dean realized he was shaking and his eyes were watery.

Castiel leaned over and placed his hands on either side of Dean's face, caressing his cheeks with his thumbs. "Whatever is happening in your mind, whatever you were thinking, stop it and focus on me."

"What if no one wants me?" Dean whispered. "What if someone does and I can't please them?"

"Dean, who wouldn't want you? You're beautiful, and anyone would be able to see just how much you want to make others happy. As for who you will be with, it could be me, if you are willing. "Dean's mouth opened in shock and he stared at Castiel in disbelief.

"You? Why?" You could have anyone, why would you want me?" It was obvious to Dean that there was something special about Castiel. There was a strength in him, a power and control that Dean felt drawn to. He was sure that the man in front of him could have anyone.

Castiel held back the sigh that was about to escape. How could someone think so little of themselves? Gabriel was right; Dean had to get some kind of help.

"I want you to see that this isn't just about hurting people, or letting people hurt you. I want you to learn how to live this life without letting it destroy you. I want you to see just how much pleasure you can get out of it. I want…you." Castiel knew it was true. He'd spent the time while Dean was sleeping being bombarded with images of Dean on his back, arms secured to the posts and naked save for a collar that marked him as Castiel's and a cock ring. There would be a vibrator in his ass too, and Castiel could sit back and enjoy the sight of dean's body writhing while the most delightful sounds escaped those plush lips. The memory of those images caused his eyes to darken slightly. "God you'd be gorgeous like that." There was a growl in his voice that made Dean drop his eyes and whine slightly, bottom lip pulled in between his teeth, and Castiel realized he's spoken that thought out loud.

"Would you be willing Dean? Would you like to try that with me?"

Dean nodded quickly. He wanted that voice back. He wanted that look back; the look that promised all kinds of wonderful things. Castiel leaned in and whispered in his ear." I need you to say it Dean. Yes or no, you have to say it."

"Yes" Dean's voice was barely audible but Castiel caught it.

"Thank you" he said before placing a small kiss on Dean's temple.

Castiel leaned back again and offered his hands for Dean to take. "Let me help you up. You need to drink something and I would like to check your bandages before you get dressed. Then I am going to take you home so you can shower and change into something clean. After that I would like to take you to dinner. Do you think you can handle that right now?" He held up a hand to halt dean's almost immediate agreement. "I want you to be honest with me Dean. That will be the first rule of all of our interactions' you will be honest with me in all things. When I ask you if something hurts too much or if you cannot continue then you will tell me the truth. There will be more rules that you and I will set together." He smiled softly and took the hand Dean held out. "So, I will ask you again, do you think you can handle that right now?"

Dean carefully pulled himself up a little more, and grimaced at the pain in his back. It still felt like it was on fire and his headache had not gone away. Eating sounded good but he did not feel up to going out to eat.

"I ah…I think I need to stay home tonight." He said looking to Castiel to gauge his reaction.

Castiel nodded and smiled a little wider. "That's good Dean, you were honest with me about your needs. Since we are not going out would you like me to bring you dinner after I take you home?"

Dean blushed at the praise and thought about Castiel's question. On one hand he wanted to sit at home and just process the changes that were taking place in his life. On the other he really did not want to be alone, and if Castiel had dinner with him then that would be a good chance to see what kind of person Castiel really was.

"I think I would like that. Dinner I mean."

"Well then," Castiel said helping Dean to his feet. "Let's get you dressed so I can get you home."


	5. Chapter 5

This one's kinda long guys, sorry about the wait! 16 followers now woohoo!

The ride to his house in Castiel's silver Audi A8 would have been awkward for Dean were he not distracted by the pain in his back any time he moved in the seat.

Back at the club Castiel had checked his wounds again and applied an antibacterial ointment that was supposed to help dull the pain while insisting that Dean drink the bottle of orange juice he got from the bar. Dean appreciated the attention and was certain that his back would be hurting more without the ointment. He was oddly grateful for the remaining pain though, as it was a good distraction from the doubts that would have been overwhelming Dean otherwise. He was letting a man who was a virtual stranger take him home after having just accepted said strangers invitation to be his sub.

_Well, if something happens I can at least be used as an example of what not to do … _he thought ruefully then pulled himself out of his thoughts, remembering he was supposed to be giving directions to his house.

"It's just up this street, number 1138." He said.

Castiel nodded, "Have you lived there long?" he asked.

Dean shrugged and immediately winced at the pain in his back the action caused.

"I bought the building because it had been an auto shop before so the space was already set up for it and luckily for me there was an apartment above it. I've been there for about a year and a half now." Dean felt embarrassed at this admission. Would Castiel still want him knowing he was just a mechanic?

They pulled into the small parking lot for Winchester Auto Repair and Dean directed Castiel around to the side of the building where he usually parked. It felt odd to let another car park in Baby's space, but he'd make it up to her with a good wash and wax.

Castiel told him to wait before getting out, so he could help Dean out of the car. "I don't want you to strain yourself too much." He said as he exited the car. Opening the passenger side door he held out his hands for Dean to take if he wanted and was relieved when the other man accepted his help.

As Dean was unlocking the door that would let them into the shop and allow access the apartment upstairs Castiel asked Dean if he was the sole owner of Winchester Auto Repair. When Dean nodded he was impressed and said as much to Dean who blushed and dissembled saying it wasn't that big a deal, which made Castiel scowl.

"Dean, owning your own business is a huge thing. It takes courage to even try it and you have to be really smart and savvy to make it work. Most small businesses fail within the first year and here you are still open. That says a lot about your intelligence and perseverance. This is something you should be proud of." The praise made Dean blush even more and he nearly ran into the counter in the small waiting room when he went to walk behind it.

"I … uh, the door to the apartment is over here." Dean said, moving as quickly as his aching body would let him.

The stairs that led up to his apartment had never looked so high, and he knew the climb was going to make him ache worse. Still, he knew that at the top was home and he would finally be able to strip out of the clothes that still had lingering traces of Alistair's scent on them and into something suited for lounging around in.

Once he'd drug himself up the stairs it occurred to him that Castiel might not want him dressed in anything at all. He knew Castiel wanted him to clean up and eat dinner, but what about the rest of the night? Did he expect something else?

Opening the door to his apartment he stepped back so Castiel could enter first.

"It's not much," he said following the other man inside. His apartment was small with only one bedroom, but he works hard to keep it clean, though his sense of style could best be described as minimalist. Hopefully Castiel wouldn't hate it too much.

Castiel looked around and smiled. The furniture was older certainly, but it was well maintained and looked comfortable, a bookshelf on the far wall was packed with books and he wanted to peruse the titles to see what interested Dean. That would have to wait however, he needed to get Dean some dinner and reapply the ointment to his back after Dean showered.

"It's perfectly fine Dean." He said smiling. "What would you like for dinner tonight?"

Dean perked up a little at this. He hadn't eaten since his lunch break at the shop and he was starving which was surprising as he never wanted to eat after a session with Alistair. Perhaps there was something to this aftercare stuff after all. "Well, if you'd like a cheeseburger there's a great diner just up the road. They have other stuff too if you want something else, my brother says the salads are pretty good." Dean shifted his feet nervously and glanced around the apartment while speaking.

Castiel's smile grew. "Cheese burgers sound perfect", he said, his eyes lighting up at the idea.

Dean had to grin at Castiel's enthusiasm over burgers. "They make great fries too if you want some."

"Alright then, I'll go grab the burgers while you get a shower. The tape over the gauze should keep it dry but we'll probably want to change it again after your shower, so you'll need to keep your shirt off. Are you comfortable with that?"

Dean rubbed the back of his neck and blushed. "Well, you've already seen me naked and didn't run away then so I guess going shirtless won't scare you."

Castiel's smile fell instantly. Placing a hand under Dean's chin he lifted his face to look him in the eyes. "We will also be discussing how you talk about yourself when I return." he said quietly, before pulling his hand back. "Go get your shower and I will be back as soon as I can, alright?"

Dean nodded and watched Castiel walk out the door. He had a feeling that tonight's discussion was going to be an intense one. Anxious to see what the night would bring, Dean hurried through his shower. Keeping his back as dry as possible he washed away the sweat and blood as best he could. The water felt heavenly, easing the aches and washing away the lingering impressions of Alistair's hands on his skin for what might be the last time. Once finished he toweled himself off quickly and donned his most comfortable pair of sleep pants, and left off the shirt as Castiel had requested. He walked back into the living room and paused next to the couch. Was he supposed to kneel and wait for Castiel or was sitting on the couch permitted? Hesitantly he sat on the couch to wait. Castiel said they were going to work out a contract after dinner so he would know next time.

Luckily it did not take Castiel long to return or Dean might have might have gotten lost in a never ending spiral of what if's and maybe's. The moment the door opened he stood immediately and wanted to kick himself for not thinking about the condition his back was in when pain shot out of the cuts there making him gasp.

Castiel put the food bag down on the small kitchen table and quickly moved to stand next to Dean.

"Dean you shouldn't move so quickly right now. I know you still hurt and I would never want you to hurt yourself further. Here" he said ushering Dean over to the kitchen table. "You sit there and start eating and I will look over your bandages one more time, alright?"

Dean honestly felt a little dazed at the attention he was receiving. As he sat there, eating his burger Castiel checked his bandages and reapplied the ointment where it was needed, all the while making sure he was not hurting his patient too much. It was a bizarre experience for Dean as he had never once in his life had someone fuss over him like this. He did enjoy the feeling of Castiel's warm hands on his skin, resting on his shoulder and rubbing soothing circles there with his thumb while he spread the ointment in gentle movements with his other hand. Castiel gave his shoulder a squeeze when he was finished and took a seat at the table to eat his own burger. Dean had been so distracted by the feel of Castiel's hands that he had not really noticed the flavor of his own. Castiel groaned appreciatively around his own mouthful. "Oh my god Dean, "he said after swallowing, "These are amazing. You, sir, have excellent taste in burgers." He grinned "I knew you were a keeper."

Dean was starting to worry that his cheeks were going to stay red permanently with the amount of blushing he was doing. When he looked up again he could see Castiel grinning. "Your ears turn red when you blush," he said. "It's cute." Dean blushed even harder which made Castiel chuckle softly.

They finished the rest of dinner in silence before moving back into the living room. Castiel sat down and motioned for Dean to join him. "We need to discuss how we want this to work and what limits we want to set. ", he said as soon as dean was comfortable "I don't think we need a formal contract just yet as those are typically for long-term relationships and we are not sure we want that yet. This agreement will not be as formal, but it will certainly be adhered to, especially on my part. If you have limits or things you are not comfortable with, then I need you to tell me. I also need to know your safe word."

Dean gaped at him for a moment. "I thought this was just me agreeing to do whatever you want?" he said, confusion evident on his face.

Castiel kept his voice carefully neutral as he asked "Did Alistair tell you that?"

Dean nodded.

"Did you do any research before you started seeing him?"

Dean shook his head.

Castiel nodded, and then took both of Dean's hands in his. "Alright, then there is my first condition. I need you to accept that everything Alistair told you is absolute bullshit. You remember me telling you that he has been banned from Gabriel's club?"

Dean nodded again.

"Well the full truth is that he has been banned from nearly every respectable establishment in the area. He is known for finding people new to the scene and using their ignorance of it to hurt them. If you need I can get you in touch with people who will verify this. Would you like their names?"

Dean shook his head. "No, I believe you." He felt stupid for being duped so easily. 'Figures', he thought. "Guess I was pretty gullible, huh?"

Castiel squeezed his hands. "No, Dean you were ignorant of how this is supposed to work in a healthy relationship and he took advantage of that." He was tempted to say something about Dean's lack of belief in his own self-worth being a factor in Alistair's ability to harm him, but it was too soon to address that. He had to earn Dean's trust first. "So, from now on I would like you to try to forget everything he told you, alright?"

Dean considered this for a moment, and then nodded. Tonight was the first time he didn't feel like trash after a scene, and he knew it was because of the man in front of him.

"Alright then, that's my first condition. Would you like to hear the rest or would you prefer we take turns?"

"Why do you keep asking me about what I prefer? I thought you were supposed to control everything?" Dean asked, confused again.

"When I will have control will depend on how we set the agreement. If you are comfortable with me taking control in all our interactions then we will talk about that, if you only want it during scenes, then we can discuss that too. Dean, the control you are offering me over you is a gift. It is something to be cherished and any Dom worth anything knows this. Before I can accept that gift I have to know where your limits are, and which ones you feel are flexible and which ones are not. I need honesty from you in this and to get it I need to show you that I want your input and opinion. Does that make sense?" "Yeah, I just never thought about it that way. It's good to know that you want my opinion. Um, I guess we can take turns?" He looked a little hesitant, but relaxed when Castiel said that would be fine. "OK so my turn I guess. His back twinged in pain and he knew his first limit right away. "No blood or permanent injury of any kind. You know, no scars or anything like that."

Castiel nodded. "That will not be a problem. Every time I hear about Blood Play the doctor in me starts screaming about pathogens, and I get the urge to sterilize everything in sight." He grimaced and Dean chuckled at his expression.

"You know my next condition. I need you to be honest with me at all times. If whatever we are doing is too much, then you have to tell me. Like I told you earlier, there may be some pain, but I do not want to harm you. In light of that I will need to know your safe word, and for you to know that if you use it I will stop whatever I am doing immediately and help you in whatever way I can so long as you are comfortable with that. "

"But … "He paused and took a breath. '_Forget everything Alistair told me…'_ he reminded himself.

"My safeword is Impala, though I can take a lot so you probably won't hear it often." He chuckled again.

Castiel shook his head. "No Dean you use it the moment you want me to stop, I do not care what the reason is. Do not think you have to take something just because I told you to. If you need to use your safeword then I want you to use it." He cocked his head and added "Think of it as my first command."

Castiel's tone brooked no argument and Dean felt his cheeks flush again. It took him a moment to remember it was his turn, and Dean felt at a loss for what to say before he remembered the things Alistair used to call him.

"No humiliation. I don't want to be insulted or anything like that."

Castiel agreed immediately. "That is another easy one. I can promise you I will never do that. I prefer to praise what you do well. I guess you could say I have a bit of a soft touch compared to some other Doms."

"What about spanking?" Dean asked suddenly then flushed and ducked his head in embarrassment at his outburst.

Castiel cut his eyes sideways and looked at Dean. "Why?" he asked leaning down slightly so he could see Dean's face. "Do you like being spanked?" Dean gave a shy nod. "Well then, who am I to deny you something we'll both enjoy." He sat back up and forcefully pushed thoughts of Dean bent over his bed with a warm red ass out of his mind.

"Hmm, my third condition is that I do not want to hear you insulting yourself in my presence." He held up a hand to silence Dean when he lifted his head to argue. "I do not want to harm you in our time together and I do not want you to either. I do not know why you say negative things about yourself but I do not want to hear them." His tone had lost its teasing quality. "Do you understand?"

Dean nodded quickly. "Yes I do. Sometimes they just slip out though, you know. I'll try not to."

"Good, we can work on that together. What other limits do you need?"

Dean thought about it for a bit. "I know this sounds … I know I'm being …" he paused for a moment in frustration. "This feels like a stupid thing to say, but I just don't want you to be mean, you know? I don't think you're that kind of man but I just want to say it. I think I would like for you to be in control all the time if you won't be like that."

Castiel smiled and stroked a hand over Dean's cheek. "First of all," he said, voice soft and tone gentle "thank you for honoring my request so quickly. Second; I told you I was a soft touch and I meant it. I don't want to humiliate or hurt you. I will not try to tear you down or make you feel bad about who you are or what you enjoy." He pulled back slightly and looked Dean over. "I think you need to get some rest now. You've had a tiring evening, and I think we have made a good start here. This agreement can be modified as we see fit should anything need to change. I would like to spend some time with you tomorrow with you if you are not busy. Perhaps we can try that level of control and we can see if it needs to be changed."

Dean nodded. Now that he thought to pay attention to it he was getting pretty sleepy.

"The shop is closed tomorrow so anytime is good really. I am usually fully alert by ten on my days off. How about we meet for lunch?" He said, then hastily added "You know, if that's alright with you."

Castiel smiled and nodded. "Lunch sounds perfect. Give me your number, and I will text you tomorrow morning so we can decide where to eat."

Dean dutifully rattled off the numbers so Castiel could enter it into his phone. Once done, he leaned in and placed a soft kiss on Dean's temple. "See you tomorrow."

Dean walked him to the door and out through the shop. "Night Cas." He said sleepily as the other man walked out. He headed back upstairs after locking the door again and fell into bed, for once not totally dreading the next day.


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry this update took so long guys. My muse ran away for a while. **

Dean woke up the next morning feeling like he had forgotten something. He got up, stretched his back a bit and was pleasantly surprised that it did not hurt nearly as much as the night before. Stumbling into his kitchen he started a pot of coffee. Watching it drip he frowned and tried to figure out why he felt restless and twitchy. Looking around the apartment he could see everything was there, so what was missing? He briefly wondered if it was because Castiel was no longer around, but he'd only known the guy for a day, and no matter what arrangement they'd come to the night before, it was still way too early in the game for that. It wasn't like he was… Baby…

Two minutes later he was dressed, down the stairs, out the front door and calling a taxi which took ten minutes to arrive and another twenty to drive to the club. During that time Dean was envisioning all the horrible things that could have befallen his precious car. She could have been stolen, had her windows broken, had her radio ripped out, her tires slashed or she could have been keyed. Dean nearly fainted with relief when they pulled into Trickster's parking lot and she was sitting there unharmed. He quickly paid the driver and ran over to inspect his car from bumper to bumper. Finding nothing amiss he unlocked the driver door and slid into the seat while apologizing profusely to his car.

"I'm so sorry Baby. I'll give you a nice once-over when we get home. And I am going to let you live in the unused bay at the shop. I'll give you a good wash and wax later too, okay?"

When he arrived home he opened the door to the unused bay and drove Baby inside. Closing the bay door and locking it securely, he wondered why he hadn't done this before. He'd have to get another mechanic in to use this bay and it wasn't like he could afford to hire anyone yet. He patted his car's hood. "From now on Baby, this one is all yours."

Dean had been apprehensive about his first evening with Castiel, but the Dom was surprisingly undemanding. He texted Dean at 10:30 on the dot and asked where Dean wanted to meet for lunch. He was about to suggest the diner where Castiel had picked up their food the night before when a text came through again asking if Dean would be comfortable meeting at Castiel's house so he could make their lunch. Dean was a little nervous, but Castiel had taken him home last night when Dean was nearly out of it and hadn't done anything to hurt him, quite the opposite actually. Dean texted that he was fine with that and after he received the address got himself ready to meet Castiel.

Following the directions led Dean into the nicer part of town and onto the winding tree-lined driveway of a large stone house. Everything looked perfectly manicured and under control. There were no patches of uneven grass and all the trees looked like their locations had been carefully chosen. The flowerbeds at the front of the house had all the plants inside spaced evenly, and the plants themselves were all shades of green with no actual flowers in sight. It was all so carefully arranged that it almost looked artificial. Inside the house looked like something out of a catalogue. It was very masculine, though not overbearingly so, with dark woods, rich leather, and deep colors. It looked like someone had been told to make it look like a wealthy bachelor lived there, and considering Castiel's apparent wealth, that was probably the case. Of course Dean had only known the man for a day so it was possible that Castiel had chosen every piece himself.

Castiel had greeted him at the door and placed a kiss on his temple, instructing him to remove his shoes his coat and his over shirt. Dean felt naked without his usual layers and shivered a bit when Castiel ran a hand over his shoulder and down his arm. "There," he said. "I can actually see you now. For now, when we are together, I would like you like this, no hiding yourself underneath layers of clothing, alright?" Dean nodded and said "Yes Sir."

Castiel put a hand on the small of Dean's back to lead him to the dining room, but paused halfway there.

"Actually I think I would prefer you in nothing at all but since this is our first day together the jeans and shirt are fine. Next time we can go without the shirt, then the pants, then the underwear… oh do you wear underwear?"

Dean blushed "Yes, but…"

"But?"

"Um… they're not always… men's?" Dean ducked his head, waiting for the derision and cutting remarks that Alistair had always used when he saw Dean in women's panties.

"Oh…" Castiel said, pulling Dean a little tighter against his side. "Perhaps just down to those then. Yes, that would be perfect actually." Dean nearly sagged against him in relief before they continued to the dining room.

Lunch had been a simple affair; a homemade stew with large hunks of bread and tea, and afterward Castiel had suggested a movie. All in all, it was a decidedly low-key afternoon, and his next 'request' had come when Castiel shifted so his back was leaning against the arm of the couch and asking Dean to lay against his side with his head tucked under Castiel's chin. Dean had found it a little strange at first, but slowly relaxed as Castiel scratched his nails across his scalp gently. Halfway through the movie (some foreign thing Dean had never heard of) Dean began to doze.

When he woke up an hour later he was confused at first. He was wrapped around a warm body in a fair imitation of an octopus, with someone nuzzling at his temple and placing little kisses there. Dean was so warm and comfortable he turned his head to snuggle further into the person underneath him, fully intending to go back to sleep when an amused voice said, "None of that. The movie ended an hour ago and we need to get up now."

Dean's eyes flew open and he quickly heaved himself up into a sitting position. Looking down at Castiel he was horrified to see he'd turned his neat shirt into a rumpled mess and… oh crap apparently he'd drooled on it too. His first real date with his new Dom and he'd fallen asleep during the movie he was supposed to watch, and wrapped around him like a sweaty drooling octopus. He slid from the couch to the floor and knelt at Castiel's feet.

"I'm sorry," he said, ducking his head.

"For what? I didn't say you had to stay awake, and as I recall I told you to lie that way. I expected to get rumpled, Dean. You haven't done anything wrong."

"I um, I think I drooled on you too."

Castiel looked down at his shirt. "Huh, so you did. As far as I am concerned, it just means you were comfortable enough to fall asleep with me. You're quite the snuggler when you fall asleep. I like that. Oh, and I should tell you that from now on unless I state otherwise that is how I want us to sit when we are at either of our homes, understood?"

Dean nodded but kept his eyes lowered. "Yes Sir."

A thrill went through Castiel. There was always something intoxicating about watching a sub like this; head lowered in respect and desperate to please him. This was just the start of their relationship and Castiel knew Dean's obedience was partially due to the fear that Alistair had instilled in him. Castiel could not think of that man as Dean's former Dom, he was an abuser nothing more.

Still, Dean was beautiful on his knees with his head bowed. Of course Dean was beautiful anywhere, but there was something about seeing him there waiting on Castiel's command, and the Dom just sat there a moment to take in the sight. Finally he sat up and placed another kiss to Dean's temple before standing.

"Come with me," he said before walking to his bedroom. He didn't bother to see if Dean was following for not, he didn't have to. He knew there were subs who liked to disobey to get a reaction, but it was plain to see that Dean would do everything in his power to follow every command he was given.

Once in his room, Castiel turned to Dean. "In the middle drawer of my dresser there is a white long sleeve t-shirt. Take it out and put it on the bed. Then remove the shirt I am wearing and place it in the hamper."

Dean hurried around Castiel to get the shirt from the assigned drawer and placed it on the bed. Standing in front of Castiel again he began to unbutton the rumpled shirt carefully and once done, moved to the back to ease the fabric off his shoulders before pulling at the sleeves to make the shirt slide off. Placing the shirt in the hamper he stood in front of Castiel again and lowered his head. It had been such a simple set of commands that most would have done it without thinking, but Dean had been so careful with each step. The shirt on the bed was still neatly folded and honestly looked neater than it had when he'd put it away. There had been no tugging at the buttons to get them undone and the shirt had been carefully pulled off each arm gently. The command was followed to the letter with care and attention to detail, and there had been something reverential in Dean's touch.

"Perfect. Now hand me the shirt on the bed." He could see Dean's ears were red and he knew the man was blushing at the praise as he carried out his next order. Castiel put the shirt on before pulling Dean to him and nuzzling at the still-pink cheek, a hand resting at the back of his neck. "Very good Dean."

He felt the man shrug. "It was easy," he whispered. The hand Castiel had placed on the back of his neck tightened some. "Are you arguing with me?"

Dean shook his head. "No Sir. I'm sorry Sir." He tensed up and began to curl in on himself like he was expecting to be hit. Castiel released the hold on him. "If I say you did well then you did, Dean. No order I give is petty or unimportant. Do not contradict me like that again."

"Yes Sir."

Castiel waited for Dean to realize he was not about to be struck before moving around him and out the door.

That was the only hiccup in an otherwise very good day spent together. After changing his shirt Castiel decided they should take a walk through the local park near his house. It would be time for supper afterwards and there was an amazing little Italian place on the other side. Castiel held his hand as he led Dean through the park, showing him all his favorite places. Every so often he would stop and kiss the back of Dean's hand, which never failed to make Dean blush and duck his head away shyly. Castiel thought it was adorable. In between rounds of the 'Make Dean Blush' game they talked about their lives. Dean learned that Castiel was a physician with his own practice, and that he had a large family with several siblings he had as little contact with as possible, except of course for Gabriel.

"You probably do not remember, but you saw him briefly at the club when I took you to my room."

Dean did remember Gabriel and he was shocked. "Wait, your brother owns Trickster's? He's that Gabriel?"

Castiel chuckled "Well yes. How did you think I had my own room there that he never lets anyone else use?"

"Wow, I'm not sure I would want my brother to know who I chose to scene with. Of course, he has no idea I'm into that, but still… " He could almost hear the 'What the hell, Dean?' and see Sam's inevitable bitch-face at having to hear about his older brother's preferences. Crap, he and Dad didn't even know that he preferred guys.

Dean wondered if Gabriel knew about Castiel's newest sub. He'd probably disapprove, think that Dean was used goods and that Castiel deserved better. Hell, Castiel did deserve better, he…

A hand under his chin made Dean raise his face, though he could not remember lowering it.

"Whatever is going on inside your head, I want to you to stop it."

"How… ?"

"You were curling in on yourself like you were being hurt; I know I was not the one hurting you, so that left only one option." Castiel's hand slid from under Dean's chin to cup his cheek. "I do not know where that comes from or why you have such a poor image of yourself, but I can guarantee you that whatever you were thinking it is not true."

Dean opened his mouth to disagree but closed it again, remembering Castiel's earlier admonishment about arguing. Castiel raised an eyebrow, but said nothing and nodded at Dean's subdued "Yes, Sir."

Once at the restaurant the host led them to a table tucked away in a corner at the back. Castiel ordered for both of them and for a moment Dean was reminded of Castiel's house. Castiel being a Dom made perfect sense, everything in his life needed to be arranged a certain way, including the people he was with. Not being able to choose his own dish had irked Dean a little, but he had to admit that what Castiel had chosen for him was delicious.

They talked a bit more during their meal, and afterward Castiel lead Dean through the park again, this time with an arm around his waist and instead of stopping to kiss Dean's hand, he would stop and place little kisses on his temple and pink cheek. Dean still blushed but did not turn his head away from the kisses. Instead he bit his lip and looked away. Castiel still thought it was adorable and stopped to kiss him as much as possible.

During one of these many stops they both heard giggling and turned to see two teenaged girls staring at them, though both girls flushed at having been caught staring. Castiel grinned but Dean buried his head in the other man's neck in embarrassment.

"Sorry!" one of the girls squeaked before they both ran off, still giggling.

Castiel eventually managed to coax Dean out of hiding, though he certainly did not mind having his beautiful sub pressed so close.

Some time (and many kisses) later they made it back to Castiel's home. Dean had to be up early to open the shop so he could not stay any later than he already had. Before he could get his over-shirt and jacket, Castiel led him into the living room again and made him sit on the arm of the chair.

"I want you to call me tomorrow on your lunch break if you can. If not then, I want you to text me to tell me why you can't. Your shop closes at 8:00, yes?" Dean nodded. "Then I will call you at 9:00 to see how your day went. I would like for us to meet here on Saturday if you are not too tired from work. I noticed your sign said you close at 2:00. Call me when you are done so we can discuss it."

"Yes, Sir"

"Now, before you go… " Castiel placed his hands on either side of Dean's face and tilted his head up before leaning in to place a kiss on his lips. It started out chaste, just little closed-mouth pecks, but then Castiel swiped his tong across Dean's lips and his mouth opened to let the other man in.

Castiel's kiss was consuming and Dean soon found himself lost in it, unable to do anything but follow his Dominant's lead as he was kissed and licked and ravished. Dean did not know how long it went on, but when Castiel finally pulled away he whined and tried to follow.

Castiel hushed him gently and placed kisses on both his eyelids. "That's enough for now, beautiful. You need to get home."

It took Dean a moment to get his bearings while Castiel smiled down at him and stroked his cheek with his thumbs.

Dean felt like he was floating the whole way home. He was content for the first time in a very long time, possibly ever. It had been a good day, and he was beginning to think that maybe this would all work out alright.


End file.
